I’m exhausted. I realized I wrote about 32,000 words in the last week. My first draft is done and now I just want to play Dragon Age and zone out. So tonight I decided to relax, eat fun stuff, have way too many beers, and watch the Survivor finale.
Yes, I have a confession to make. My name is Elliot Arthur Cross, and I’m a hardcore Survivor fanatic.
Hi, guys. For the first time ever, I wrote a bunch of notes of what I thought during the show.
These are my thoughts during the 2 plus hours of Survivor fun. Cleaned up slightly but still fresh. Have fun.
First off, why must they always preempt it with football, then 60 Minutes? For years, this has been happening. Finally, they planned on starting Survivor 30 minutes late to help DVRs and Tivos and VCRs (if those are still in existence). But that wasn’t enough. It was already 10 minutes past the adjusted starting time, and then there was a breaking news segment.
President Obama spoke for 20 minutes about the tragedy of the latest school shooting. It’s a horrible thing, my heart goes out to those people, but Obama’s televised speech was pointless. First of all, he spoke super slowly and dragged a 10 minute speech out for 20. Second of all, the shooting happened four days ago, and it’s no coincidence that he chose to go on TV when there were guaranteed millions of viewers. He used it as a press opportunity, otherwise why not go on TV yesterday or the day before, or even the day before that? It may sound silly to complain, but there are a lot of people who have to deal with a lot of shit and just want to relax on Sunday night before the week starts, tune out the horrors of reality, and watch some fun ‘reality’ TV without being reminded that evil exists.
But then the show started. Yeah!
There was the fun little recap at the beginning and I’m happy they mentioned Penner’s skills. Did anyone else besides the final four get a little ‘yeah he’s cool’ mention? Don’t think so (Disclaimer: Jonathan Penner is one of my all time Survivor fans and I have a massive TV crush on the talented Jew, and I make no apologies for that!).
We start and of course they mention Denise’s Survivor first of making it through every tribal council. Would they bother if she’s not a finalist? It’s little clues like this that I love picking up on editors. Thanks for giving us layers.
Mike Skupin thinks his story is better from an outsider’s perspective than Malcolm’s. Uh, maybe if the editors showed any of it to us. I always liked Skupin, and it’s very clear that he would have won season 2 if he hadn’t fallen in the fire, but the man’s a klutz and that’s part of the game. Sorry, Mike, you’re doomed to being an almost winner. Worse things to be.
Here’s something stupid. They make a little mystery out of will it be a reward or immunity challenge, then go to a commercial. As soon as they come back, there’s a #rewardchallenge posted on the bottom of the screen while the intense music blares. Guess that mystery is solved.
While we’re at it, what is the point of hashtag stuff like #immunitychallenge or #tribal council? It’s just one more thing taking up space at the bottom of the screen. In five years, that is going to look so insanely dated.
Damn, they are doing a final three instead of two. Don’t know. Sometimes it’s fun, sometimes it sucks. only 8 jury members, could have a tie, but I doubt it.
And this dragon puzzle is a brilliant example of why Survivor is head and tails above other reality competitions. Their challenge designers are awesome. Wish I could figure out a way to put a picture of it here. I need a site designer/helper/slave.
Malcolm wins advantage and everyone tries not to look pissed. “Oh great, the odds on favorite to win a challenge just got an advantage in the last challenge. Cool…”
Ooop, Malcolm and Denise are gonna talk, and it cut to a spider in it’s web. Good editting for Denise. For those of you who don’t know, the Survivor editors love juxtaposing important moves with animal imagery.
We all remember from Penner’s boot that if someone asks you into a final thing, you agree. Malcolm didn’t agree to Denise, which tips her off…
OMG, as I typed that, Denise said, “I’m getting flashbacks to Penner.”
Malcolm mentions it as a Fallen Comrades walk, something used in previous shows, reminds us that he’s a big fan. I think he called someone a goat earlier, which is a message board term.
Final Four admit Penner would have won in the final three. Hells yea. Fallen Comrades consists of all the booted players talking about themselves, but Pete is just like, “I hate Abi.” Would not mind seeing his body back on another edition.
When it’s made abundantly clear that someone like Malcolm will win, he can’t, right? Everyone’s like, Malcolm’s got it no worries. So of course he’s first out. And Skupin wins after his “I must win and create the final three” deal, but editing has shown him to be not the brightest guy around, so let’s see what happens.
Oop, Malcolm is worried, then we see a snake. Then it’s Denise doing her thing. More animal editing for her. Has that been consistent throughout the show?
The jury watches them with the usual angry/bitter/curious looks, and Penner sits back relaxed like he’s sitting at home enjoying an episode of Survivor.
Malcolm’s gone. Is this the oldest final three since season 5?
Fuck Tivo! I lost five minutes while it reset!
Jury starts. There’s three kinds – talk about me, ask about gameplay, or make a speech.
Artis does a pissy speech. Carter asks about himself. Pete stands up and I notice Penner rolls his eyes. Pete throws Denise an easy question. Looking good for her.
RC tells Lisa she’s great and asks Mike if he lied to her. Giggling and happy. Wow. She got a great edit for who she is methinks.
Malcolm… shows that he’s a real bitch. Surprised. Wow: “Don’t nod” what a deuche move.
Jeff kent speaks/asks, good on him. Love Penner’s curious look when Skupin answers. Then Lisa defends herself. She’s giving a good reason for deserving this after all. Damn.
Abi talks about herself, surprise, surprise. Then asks a question about that relates to herself.
Penner saved for last , “let’s end this thing.” Love it. Did he beat Sue Hawk’s speach? I don’t know. Is it one of the greatest jury performences of all time? YES.
Now they cut from past to live. Remember when they used to have a five minute montage of Jeff Probst leaving, and flying across the world and riding a ski-doo to read the last vote? Sure it wasted time and was cheesy as hell, but fun.
Can’t wait to see who gained weight. Every reunion is fun like that.
Ooh, Skupin gained weight. Penner kept it off. Course he only gained it to have some fat to lose on the island. Smart man, that Penner.
And… Denise wins! Skupin and Lisa only got one vote each. Fun. I’m reminded that Denise’s husband looks a bit like the comedian Michael Hitchcock from Best in Show and tons of other stuff who I adore.
All right, gang, that’s it for me. This is Elliot Arthur Cross thanking you for hanging in there for my ramblings, and asking you what you thought of the season. Peace.